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Mothballin’ NFL Commentation
Ah yes, with Week 2 of the 2010 NFL season almost laid to rest in the history books, the time has come to analyze every team’s credibility and figure out why some teams just plain whiffed to open their seasons. Week 1 has been overlooked until now because the usual “It was a fluke win!” “The Ref made a bad call!” “Tony “Too Much Eggnog” Romo will bounce back!” excuses are all void after another week of football. Most teams are settling down into their regular routines, while some are already looking forward to next year’s draft. OK… so maybe it is a little too early to make that statement, so lets just dive into MBC’s weekend NFL absurdness.
Cardinals at Falcons:
After a tough road loss last week, the Falcons finally showed what that whole “Rise Up” campaign means. Putting up 41 points against a decent Cardinals defense was outstanding, while the defense smothered flat-footed Derek Anderson all day. Oh and you want to talk about fantasy sleepers? Atlanta Running Back Jason Snelling amassed 186 yards from scrimmage for 3 TDs… KABOOM.
Ravens at Bengals:
MBC has been rather slack on columns recently due to a week full of exams. So in the studious college spirit, here’s one for you!
Question 1) Joe Flacco’s Quarterback Rating against the Bengals was _________ his current age.
A) Greater than
B) Less than
C) Equal to
If you answered B, then you already know everything about why the Ravens lost this game. Moving on…
Patriots at Jets:
Trying to answer all the questions about these two teams after this game equates to answering the classic Alice in Wonderland riddle “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” There just isn’t any single answer but tons of speculative ones. The Jets opened the season lacking their off-season hype, then bounce back to the dream team fans hoped for. The Patriots blow apart their season opener, then flopped in the second half eerily similar to their 2009 Season woes. What can you make of either of these two bipolar teams? Stay tuned for next week’s MBC “Most Awesomely Bipolar AFC East Team” Award.
Rams at Raiders:
Pretty sure Al Davis writes the Raider’s game plan like this:
“Now ya see… we put in tha new fake savior guy Campbell in ta start. That’s gonna get tha Raiders all fired up. You eva’ heard of Tha Hulk? Well, we Silver and Black got Tha Gradkowski. Once he starts transforming from all tha Black Hole energy inside him, unleash on tha otha team.”
Manning Bowl:
Unfortunately, MBC was preoccupied with other affairs to watch much of this game, but the outcome is just human nature: Big brother picking on little brother. Sheriff Manning and his gang of speedy deputies shut down the invading G-Men by taking advantage of a poor Giant’s game plan. The Sheriff showed Deputy Manning exactly why he’s his older brother, therefore always better than him. Brandon Jacobs’ helmet toss was quite amusing, MBC believes he should just give up as a running back and play inside linebacker with his huge size. Hey, maybe then someone would have stopped Joseph Addai.
Bills at Packers:
Easy: Packer rule, and Bills drool.
Jaguars at Chargers:
Pshhhh Classic San Diego Chokers Procedure: Lose early in September, figure out your team, and then dominate the regular season. However, MBC predicts a much rockier season for the Chokers. With Vincent Jackson pretty much soon to be out the door, they are going to struggle more offensively. Ok… sorry I know that statement is bland but MBC never buys into anything Chargers.
Texans at Redskins:
Entertaining game that proved two substantial positives for both teams:
  1. The Texans figured out how to win games now: MBC Warning – Don’t Mess With Texas.
  2. The Redskins with Donovan McNabb and Mike Shanahan are a contending team already. Wonder how Philly is without him… oh that brings me to:
Eagles at Lions:
Boom! Mike Vick is back baby! Despite being the starting quarterback for now, Kevin Kolb has to be under intense pressure watching Vick tear the past two games up. Hopeful the Eagles ditch Kolb; MBC wants more Mike Vick Highlights!!!
Side Note: And one of MBC’s close friends had both LeSean McCoy (120 Rushing Yards, 3 TDs) and Jahvid Best (232 Yards from Scrimmage, 3 TDs) on his Fantasy Bench. Ha..Ha..Hahahahaha
Seahawks at Broncos:
Welcome back into the NFL Pete Carroll, you just got beat by a coach who might still be in college.
Chiefs at Browns:
Another testament by the Chiefs that winning with special teams can get you W’s with a young developing team. Meanwhile, the “Mangenius” continues to seem unable to do anything with the Browns. Mike Holmgren will have to find someone else to take the Browns to the Super Bowl. Opps… C.Q.O.T.D.
Bears at Cowboys:
This game should be renamed The Pretty Boy Brawl. One of these two fragile quarterbacks had to crumble, and Tony “Too Much Eggnog” Romo totally lost. Jay Cutler finally looked like his Broncos days, and Wade Phillips still can’t figure out how to plan a game. Thumbs up to Mike Martz and thumbs down to the entire Cowboys coaching staff.
Steelers at Titans:
The Steel Curtain is back in Pittsburg, it doesn’t really matter who is playing quarterback. Meanwhile, what’s up with the Titans benching Vince Young? MBC is completely confused on that decision. The Steelers play shutdown defense that specializes in wrecking the opposing quarterback. Matt Ryan didn’t play well against them last week but the Falcons didn’t just bench their starter. Strange move by The Stashe…
Dolphins at Vikings:
Already signs of Brett Favre’s age are glaring. Hey, if you doubled Joe Flacco’s QB Rating from this week’s terrible performance, it’d be nearly identical to Favre’s. Losing a home opener is harsh, but imploding into a 0-2 hole will immediately haunt “Favre’s Team”. MBC is still not convinced about the Dolphins, as their past two games have been oddly won by opposing team’s poor play, not their new “balanced” offensive attack.
Bucs at Panthers:
Wait, the Bucs are in 1st place of the NFC South at 2-0? What is the world?
~ Mothball
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